S M A L L T A L K // [150511]

Abridged conversational excerpt from "Successful Relations with Technical Persons, Vol. 5: Are They Broken?", Asimov, 1964

Can you fix it?

I can try, my darling.

Have you fixed it yet?

Not in the small series of moments since you drew it's broken state to my attention.

Why is it broken?

This conversation is playing no part in the malfunction, but is delaying any possible diagnosis.

Did you break it?

Frankly, I doubt that. It remains to be seen whether I further break it in the course of my investigation. This often proves necessary.

What does it do when it works?

Why, it functions within normal parameters!

When do you think it will be fixed?

It would be misleading for me to give you a time, as even on identification of the problem, there is uncertainty whether it is even resolvable, let alone within a reasonable timeframe. It is reasonable however, for me to tell you that it will be fixed at a near point in the future as that must happen.

Do you fix lots of things?

Compared to the average person, I probably fix slightly more things than I break.

Why do you fix things?

A conscious and unconscious longing for things to function correctly;
Because things are broken;
I am employed to this end.

Can you fix yourself?

I am only qualified to perform superficial maintenance on myself.

It is obvious to me this is broken. Why is that not obvious to you, with your cold, mechanical brain?

Your assumption of failure has been drawn without a strong understanding of the functionality. You cannot possibly conclude it is broken because you expect more than it is capable of.

What do you do when you're not fixing things?


Find ways to improve on their original design so they do not break as often;
Contemplate matters beyond understanding.

It is an unacceptable inconvenience that I must wait for you to fix this.

Imagine how inconvenient it would be if it were never fixed.

I don't understand why this needs to be so complicated, no wonder it is broken.

A simple solution is often reached through incredibly complex means.

I have a mobile electronic device in my pocket which is better than this electronic device I am looking at, which is broken.

Chances are your mobile electronic device was subsidised and cost five times the amount you paid for it to manufacture. This electronic device is mid range, ubiquitous and reasonably priced to allow for ease of replacement.

Is it fixed yet?

I fixed it not long after you asked 'what does it do when it works?' but have broken it again out of sheer petulance.

You're not normal.

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